. Your term, serial monogamy, which I would define as being true to one mate in each marriage, seems more like the normal state of things. Cheating is frequently a response to social needs, not biological ones. Truly it is a wonderful world. Monogamy is a way of forming strong family bonds and lineages, which are part of the "social DNA" of human society. Or how to not risk your health with a cheater. But I'm not that cynical. They aren’t being held against their will to be a plaything for many, these relationships, and how people move through them are always a choice. Human babies need so much work that it really improves child development and outcome when there's dedicated male investment. Cookies help us deliver our Services. You could say monogamy is one of the most major human experiences, and it's one thing that unites all of us. Isn't it nice that we have the capacity -- and the opportunity -- to create what wasn't "naturally" given to us in the beginning? Studies comparing the testes size of different primates also included humans and found that compared to other similar primate species humans have larger testes than typical monogamous species. The idea of mating for life went out with the so-called sexual revolution of the 1960s and books like Open Marriage. Area/assumption 2: 'many species are not monogamous so therefore humans are not either.' They know you are clean and vice versa. Which means humans are meant to be adaptable. Here it is: "the philosophy or state of being in love with more than one person at a time." The men take their obligations so seriously that a child whose mother sleeps with someone other than her husband is more likely to be well-nourished than one whose mother was "faithful.". You can’t put it to a binary when there’s so many variations. I remember reading somewhere about a study into how testicle size (average and proportional to body mass) in great apes correlated to their mating habits and social structures. If both people agree to having other partners, there is nothing wrong with that at all, even if onlookers don't approve of that lifestyle. In order to continue to take [more of] working people's money, they must consistently promote ideas that benefit government largess, and ideas that demonize the family unit and Individual Rights and Liberty. It's one theory, anyway, and yes, we do live in a wonderful world. In this article, he argues that just because monogamy isn't "natural" to the human species doesn't mean it isn't possible or even desirable. That’s what’s fun about being human. So why has monogamy become a hot-button topic, so to speak? Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Plenty people are polyamourous or asexual. I'd be interested in considering this further. As I remember, there was even a movie, "No Down Payment," about young married people moving to the suburbs and trading partners with the people next door or across the backyard. Thanks for clarifying all that, Gary. Obviously, a 7 year old still needs help from the community, but it is able to contribute as much as it takes to its' social group. "The one" has nothing to do with it. They're quiet, shy, reserved, and obedient. It's like we're believing in devine orders that actually reflects on the desires of simple individuals. Maybe yes, maybe no. I don't know how this comment got printed twice. Honestly where does it stop? In fact, we often do those things best that don't come easily to us. Let's examine the number of successful monogamous relationships, shall we? Obviously, the benefits of monogamy are not limited to the two-parent child care advantage. Some can blame men for being "misogynist pigs" or the like, but I think it's a deeper, fundamentally psychological issue. A big exception to this is in humans. We are partially monogamous. Humans have live in predominately monogamous or serial monogamous relationships for all of recorded history, and likely for as long as we have been human. Let's examine the number of successful monogamous relationships, shall we? Speaking of which, downvotes don't change views! You need more than just correlation to prove causation. When we humans were still hunting and gathering, a man abandoning a mother and child would mean certain death for them. The whole thing seems a charade to me and I can't imagine myself living that way, internalizing and hiding half of who I am and worrying that my partner might find out and get angry. So then that leaves them both time to go out socializing. Heck... everything a Civilized Society has given us, is unnatural. Cheating isn't coincidental; it's an indication of a relationship breakdown. Press J to jump to the feed. From an evolutionary perspective it doesn’t seem to be. It takes years for a human to develop enough to be autonomous. I like your points but I don't like lumping all humans together as being monogamous. Based on the fact that we used to be cave men and women and men would typically have multiple partners in order to pass their lineage on, I believe that while we have clearly evolved from that, biology has still framed us to struggle with monogamy. I'm talking about the Casanova who shuns commitment in favor of playing the field, and the philandering husband, as well. I don’t think there really is a “supposed” to be for human relationships. That's it. People who are past the breeding age still cheat. We also carry the biological imprint of polygamy, the opposite of lifelong fidelity to one mate. They thus become destabilising, abandoning the tribe, perhaps killing and raping along the way. I certainly agree that you can't depend on the safety of a relationship while engaging in behavior that would destroy it. But now divorced with young children. It's a common cultural norm currently. A few are quite comfortable and happy in their swinging and polyamory situations -- and quite a bit much more so than married people. But the fact that we go against our biology in other ways is not a defense as to why it makes sense to do so. AND I love the turtle analogy. What was the driving force to install a monogamous system in societies ? or else to instead accept a compromise position of one woman for one man, though this also creates problems for powerful men like the above-mentioned Henry VIII. I don't believe humans are meant to be monogamous. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_human_sexuality, Personally I think monogamy is important in raising stable children. Techically you are right but we are, and always have been since our evolution from primates, serial monogamists (sorry if spelled incorrectly). We fight off predators together for security. It's what we write about, sing about, talk about, dream about, create art and ballets and movies for. They need to be ready to mate (being ready by producing semen) whenever the opportunity presents itself. Hopes&Fears answers questions with the help of people who know what they’re talking about. It's not a quantitative work that provides useful information about what's practiced by most people. I was trying to put this exact idea into words but couldn’t. Basically, you end up with a large underclass of loveless males with little to no attachment to the society and either tend to fall into crime, rebellion or get redirected to war.https://news.ubc.ca/2012/01/23/monogamy-reduces-major-social-problems-of-polygamist-cultures/https://www.economist.com/christmas-specials/2017/12/19/the-link-between-polygamy-and-warhttps://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/case-against-polygamy/397823/, It also can tend to be more violent towards children as the more common parent will often abuse or kill the stepchildren.https://twitter.com/robkhenderson/status/1237446148492754945https://twitter.com/robkhenderson/status/1237089300916973569. Also, testosterone is a powerful thing. If you are thinking about submitting a CMV yourself, please have a look through our popular topics wiki first. When a man is married to more than one wife at a time, sociologists call this polygyny. As the British say, "Keep calm and carry on.". Sex becomes a mechanical thing, sure when you are teenager and young, experiment go around get experience but once you reach certain point as with everything if you eat too much chocolate, chocolate becomes boring. It varies and there is no such thing as a "rule" that applies to everyone that somehow swinging and polyamory always exacts a burdensome "price".

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