#debates. If you somehow still had any hope for America, maybe these 90 minutes finally smartened you up. “I’ll be reducing taxes tremendously from 35 percent to 15 percent… That’s going to … was gonna live tweet this but it's hard to type and tie this noose at the same time. There's another debate NEXT WEEK?? Read on for Trump’s top 10 best quotes from the first presidential debate. That has to happen before the next debate, so the audience at least gets the chance to hear what the candidates have to say. ET were about the debate. With all of that money… I’m either winning or tied and I’ve spent practically nothing.”, WATCH: Presidential Debate Full Video Replay, Top 10 Best Donald Trump Quotes from the Presidential Debate, Copyright © 2020 Heavy, Inc. All rights reserved. I have a winning temperament.”, “We are losing billions and billions of dollars. Trump has the statesmanship of a guy selling a condo to a person who does not want to buy a condo. We cannot be the policemen of the world… We cannot protect countries all over the world when they’re not paying us what we need. I'd shut this off if they weren't both so fucking hot. There were a lot of memorable moments, especially coming from Donald Trump. “I’ll be reducing taxes tremendously from 35 percent to 15 percent… That’s going to be a job creator we haven’t seen since Ronald Reagan. … This country can’t afford to have another four years of that kind of experience.”, “She spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads about me, many of which are untrue… It’s not nice and I don’t deserve that. ?” – literally everyone, © 2020 Paste Media Group. Personally, I'm just rooting for a great game. The winner of tonight's debate was the opioid epidemic, melania: i love my large broke greasy and mean husband, This is a 90 minute commercial for Canada, If two women were debating it'd be twice as mean with no interrupting, wallace: condemn white supremacy biden: yeah say itthe president: pic.twitter.com/pJk5UGiXeK, “Fuck. Hello world. I got this. Tonight was the first presidential debate, and calling it “heated” would be an understatement. As a comedian/improviser, I volunteer to yell crazy shit at Joe Biden to help him prep for the next debate. This debate sounds like if white barbershops were like black barbershops. All Rights Reserved. “Will you shut up, man?” is just one of the salvos flung between President Donald Trump and opponent Joe Biden in a chaotic debate where moderator Chris Wallace struggled to keep control. And Joe Biden knows it. They, of course, should make it worth hearing. When you have your staff taking the 5th so they’re not prosecuted… I think it’s disgraceful. And get ready for further indignities when the next debate happens next week. this is like if Robert Altman's drug of choice was meth, if you think the debate is bad allow me to plant in your head the idea of jim carrey and alec baldwin making you relive it in four nights. Democratic nominee Joe Biden’s key quotes: “Under this president we become weaker, sicker, poorer, more divided and more violent.” “Yes, there’s systemic injustice . From coronavirus to racial justice protests and the economy, both candidates managed to fire off their sound bites Tonight’s debate was an absolute disaster, with Trump bloviating like an abuser trying to break his victim, and moderator Chris Wallace catastrophically failing at his job. And I watch the way you talk now about how lovely everything is… It doesn’t work that way… Your campaign even sent out pictures of him in a certain garb… So when you try to act holier than thou, it really doesn’t work.”, “I’ll take the admirals and the generals any day over the political hacks… Because look at the mess that we’re in.”, “She’s saying Russia, Russia, Russia… It could also be China… It could also be somebody sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds. Tonights debate is gonna be like a UFC fight, there's a possibility one of them could go to sleep. And the way they treated the original voice actors was disgusting. Both campaigns have agreed if anyone runs over their time, I will say "mr president mr president mr president mr president mr pres-mr president mr president mr president mr president mr presid-mr president". Read on for the top 10 best quotes by Donald Trump during the first presidential debate with Hillary Clinton. Thanks. This election is very simple: Trump is counting on us to be fucking morons. All of it. Read on for Trump’s top 10 best quotes from the first presidential debate. This debate explains why parents always just give their kids the damn iPad. We learned Bernie Sanders was taken advantage of by your people. This feels like when you can hear Mom and Hitler fighting in the other room, This debate is more anxiety-inducing than Uncut Gems, This debate is unfortunately between a steamroller with no operator & a Roomba that got stuck in a corner. Funniest First Presidential Debate Quotes “You’re the worst president America’s ever had, come on” – Biden “I’ve done more in 47 months than you’ve done in 47 years” – Trump “Let him finish” – Wallace In his defense, he had no ability to cut the mics. And believe me this country thinks it’s disgraceful also.”, “I was the one who got him to produce the birth certificate, and I think I did a good job… You treated him (Obama) with terrible disrespect (during the election). Whether you're pulling for Donald Trump or Joe Biden, I think we can all agree that tonight is a great night for politics fans. A small select few were legitimately funny, though, and those are the ones gathered here below. Just piecing this together from the timeline but I'm getting a sense this is unfolding as "Lloyd Bridges In Seinfeld vs. Lloyd Bridges In Airplane" on balance? I did improv with drunk dudes live onstage. #Debate2020, The moderator getting treated like a substitute teacher. … Whether that was Russia, China or another country… The truth is under President Obama we’ve lost control.”, “I think the best person in her campaign is mainstream media.”, “I have much better judgment than she does… I also have a much better temperament than she does… I think my strongest asset maybe by far is my temperament. #Debates2020, chris wallace: The terms for the debate have been established. Not fair that Biden is cheating tonight by having access to a soul, In honor of Halloween season, tonight the television will be showing a fight between skeleton and pumpkin, Twelve minutes in and I'm ready to hurl myself into the sun, So many white guys talking over each other it feels like a podcast #2020Debates, Honestly didn't think anything could get me excited to watch baseball and then along came this debate, This whole debate feels like a new improv show called “Whose Lawn is it Anyway?”, I'm learning so much about politic's right now, Trump dodging questions like they're income taxes, Normalize asking the President “are you fucking stupid?”, It's like two of the bed-ridden Grandpas from Willy Wonka arguing about whose foot is touching whose balls. I’m going to take a page from our president and confidently state, with absolutely no evidence or research whatsoever, that over 90% of tweets sent between 9 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. Powered by. … The only gratifying thing is, I saw the polls come in today. I was worried one of the people onstage might have a heart attack tonight but now I'm only worried about myself. She’s not saying that because she has no business ability.”, “Hillary has experience, but it’s bad experience. A small select few were legitimately funny, though, and those are the ones gathered here below. I don’t think General Douglas MacArthur would like that very much… You’re telling the enemy exactly what you’re going to do… No wonder you’ve been fighting ISIS your entire adult life… ”, “I will release my tax returns against my lawyer’s wishes when she releases her 33,000 emails that have been deleted… That was more than a mistake, that was done purposefully. Can we just skip the next 90 minutes of existence? i feel like we just got very close to trump saying the gamer word on-camera, If I only had 2 minutes left to live, I'd let Chris Wallace moderate them because it would feel like fucking forever, Trump: What Netflix did to Evangelion was terrible. The first presidential debate between President Donald Trump and Joe Biden was marked by verbal jabs and name-calling, which was perfect for memes. It’s going to be a beautiful thing to watch.”, “You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. My TV just shut itself off and jumped in the garbage can. The new subtitles, they took away all the nuance. More viral quotes and phrases from … Presidential debate: Key quotes from the first Biden-Trump showdown. Relive the latest embarrassment to befall our failing democracy, now in convenient tweet form, and make sure you follow all the people who wrote ‘em. Biden is counting on us to just not be fucking morons. It's like watching a calm composed human being debating a rabid Orangutan. It was disgusting…Biden (chuckling): C'mon man, listen just let trump party with hunter i think that is what he is really after, nixon looked a little sweaty at one debate and our parents talked about that for decades. Still, though, despite being an utter black hole of comedy, hope, optimism, and anything else remotely positive, this debate couldn’t go untweeted.

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