And because of him, when he heard the news that Dani had died, he cried. You’re always in a bit of a a “wait and see” mode. When I would ask him what was wrong or what was needed, he could only say either “I don’t know” or give a list of all the ways I did not meet his needs (with no accountability on his part for choosing badly, choosing to remain in spite of his non matching wants, no negotiation of how to make things work, no recognition of his mismatch between his words & behavior, and no stepping up his personal accountability for his own wants). In my humble opinion, men are more on and off than women because they are pursuers. It's not the end of the world. He just is, and women pick up on it.” A vulnerable person is one who says “This is the truth of me, take it or leave it.”. Question: “Why Would My Boyfriend Suddenly Break Up with Me?” A kind of tribute. The cutting of all contact isn’t the problem. Men aren’t allowed “pounce” anymore Emily! Great comment. And you expect to be appreciated for your efforts while not showing any appreciation for her efforts at all. Ah … no. People sometimes wear masks and act differently than how they truly are, but it’s usually the more infatuated person that doesn’t see the warning signs. It’s probably worst emotion you can feel in life ever. I  appreciate the thought but I’m not a fan of texting as context gets lost and I’m not checking my phone unless I’m waiting for a call. Or Kool and the Gang. When someone came at me like a freight train in the beginning, it felt like it wasn’t due to interest in me but   … it was their panic (maybe they just got out of something and they didn’t know what to do with themselves when they were on their own) or need for reassurance. It’s a rare occurrence, though, because, as you wrote, there’s usually one party much more interested and driving the relationship. If you have casual sex with someone here, it will not last. We met at a party and had talked on the phone once. You said, “I wish women would acknowledge this. Many women try the same trick; I was texting a girl on Tinder recently who was showing me screen-grabs of all the other guys messaging her. That’s not it. I’ve always told him not to give me bouquets of flowers, but instead bouquets of arugula, so we could make a salad and eat together. Totally agree. He broke his pelvis in a bunch of different places, broke a few ribs, has a punctured lung, and we're waiting on an MRI to determine if his lumbar vertebrae are fractured. In fact, I have never blocked an avoidant person I have been in a relationship with after we have broken up, but I have pretty much  always  blocked an anxious person. And maybe it’s her way of dealing with the grief of losing him. I don’t initiate much or at all in the first few weeks. From reading this blog I am realizing that I don’t look at it like most men do. There’s a big difference between cutting off contact with someone you are no longer seeing (of course you would) and blindsiding someone with the breakup because you gave no indication there was anything wrong. Until a few hours ago, my husband didn’t know the depths of my relationship with Dave because it was ancient history. You’re probably asking the wrong person. My dream as a child was to try chewing gum. I’m way too much of an empath to utilize that kind of cutthroat attitude. I agree. After a childhood of loneliness and problems with my family, I grew to become a very vulnerable person. @Clare, But since I’m less savvy and more bleeding heart, I like to throw myself in the fire 😁. Believe me, sitting through a tortured tribute, trying NOT to say anything negative about the deceased, and remaining dignified through the process, is no easy task. Ok. My friends were “girly girls”, and I still looked like a child. On second I have no evidence to contend that one gender is worse than the other for ghosting and/or flaking behavior. To revisit this article, select My⁠ ⁠Account, then View saved stories. I agree that someone should not lie or enter into a relationship if they don’t mean it. Just because it’s not maliciously done doesn’t mean you’re not stringing someone along. When pressed, essentially they want a man who expresses vulnerability when they (the women) want, in amounts the women deem appropriate. As the person being broken up with… I remember relationship where I’d been dating a guy for a month.